You're Playing Cards

These are lyrics to my song


When she’s drinking you’re playing cards, and I’m somewhere in between. 

When I dance, you’re not dancing and the card games stop, and the drinking moves on. 

So where’s your smile and laugh now? 

Now you realize you forgot to listen and life’s already moved on, and you’re the one with the empty bottle, and the torn cards, and I with the heart of stone. 

It was inevitable, 

it was inevitable but did you see it coming? 

When she’s drinking you’re playing cards, and I’m somewhere in between. 

Did you realize you chose your poison, like I did, or did you think I put it in your hand? With this love, found in the dance, this heart of stone will melt. 

So where’s your smile and laugh now? 

Now you realize you forgot to listen and life’s already moved on, and you’re the one with the empty bottle, and the torn cards, and I with the heart of stone.

Please, just let me go.

Hunger

Everything that could happen

All the possibilities

I hate this surrealism 

Hope roaming through my body

Why can’t I just take it at face value?
Why, can't I hear the no?

All I do is keep imagining

His arms, his caress

How our skin would melt together

The rhythm of us

To make him hunger 

So as to make him feel

For he starves in vein

Loose your self control

marvel at my body

The softness of my skin

How can you say no?

Said no?

Don’t you see that this is?

Can't you see what we've done?

But you choose to be blind.
and you chose to say no.

God, it makes me want you more.

Make me feel as though

I’m not enough of your taste

That in all that I’m worth

I’m that risk that you’re not gonna take.

Beginning

There’s no sight beyond

Only that which I lust

My backwards, is forwards

My now, the only

He was the beginning

To be safe, and knowing 

With projection and sight 

But I was only growing

I sought what I seek

I’ve found what I see

Precise in pain

With no suffice to gain

You’ll make it wither

You’ll make it die

Your my only heartless fool

In that which I die

In what you don’t see

The blind that you’ve made 

The treasure that I’ve sought

Is all but to be lost

In the sea of the heart

Which to see in that sight
Is only black and only white.

Between the Bars

Drink up baby, stay up all night

With the things you could do 

You won't but you might

 The potential you'll be, that you'll never see

The promises you'll only make

 Drink up with me now

 And forget all about

 The pressure of days, do what I say

 And I'll make you okay

Drive them away 

The image is stuck in your head

People you've been before

 That you don't want around anymore

 That push and shove and won't bend to your will

I'll keep them still 

Drink up baby, look at the stars 

I'll kiss you again between the bars 

Where I'm seeing you there with your hands in the air

 Waiting to finally be caught

 Drink up one more time

 And I'll make you mine

 Keep you apart, deep in my heart

 Separate from the rest

 But I like you the best

 Keep the things you forgot

 People you'be been before

 That you don't want around anymore 

That push and shove and won't bend to your will

 I'll keep them still

-Elliot Smith

Lines

Something has changed, something permanent

I no longer feel empty, apathetic and cold

The strength of complete and utter solidarity 

Does not beckon me from depths 

Of the warmth and terror of feeling

Odd that I would manifest 

Into who I am 

Of something resented

With all the being that I was

Little as it emerged

Up from a place of fright

Insecurity, need of over protection

Myself to guard a helpless child

Of my young self

Too innocent, 
Too vulnerable

Incapable to realize
All the actions taken against

I cut, and hid in the depths of myself

A place so far away secure in

The adult unknowing of all in it that hides

Judgement of error keeping in check

Allowing no glimpse to emerge 

By the lines I drew round myself

No one could come in or reach

So little, so unaware 

I did not recognize

The extent of importance 

To the immense energy 

That these lines came drawn

Not till life tripped me over

The bucket of water left out

Now tipped and fell 

Erasing much of the lines
Making path

To see straight forward

A place I thought inanimate

So stood at the existence of my feet

I awoke

With all lines shattered

There dissolving in the water

I stood,

Overwhelmed by the insecurity

Alarmed at the promiscuity

I took arms 

To be my only advocate

Adult and child together

Standing,

With no cause but their own

Standing, 

With no song but one note

Being and existing in constant parallel 

All hell began to break free

Sail

For the past few days I've been listening to this song over and over again. I've become obsessed, at least for the moment. I find this song attractive, and obviously everyone has their own interpretation, but for me it speaks 'this is who I am, this is my love, either take it or leave it.' Sort of like a 'fuck you' but in a nice way. I love you, I'll give you my love, but this is how it comes with all it's imperfections. Not to say I wouldn't be influenced or open to change and growth, but more of I won't change my monumental core values and expressions, cause you say so. 

Lyrics:

This is how I show my love. 
I made it in my mind because 
I blame it on my ADD baby. 

This is how an angel cries 
Blame it on my own sick pride 
Blame it on my ADD baby 

Sail

Maybe I should cry for help

Maybe I should kill myself(Chorus: myself)
Blame it on my ADD baby

Maybe I'm a different breed
Maybe I'm not listening
So blame it on my ADD baby 

Sail