Money Man

Always and Forever

is what I used to think

but your kisses always left me

wanting more and more

one foot out the door

is how I always felt

I truly loved you,

but you?

I'll never know

you said it all the time

but now you say you lied

so easy to simply say yes

too cowardly to speak truth

hung up on insecurities

unable to move forward 

you,

disappointing you

always loving you

you haunt my dreams 

and devastate my days

you let yourself down

forever and always alone

is how you choose to be

To My Knees

I climbed in this cave

to find my perspective

I tried to know your soul

To understand mine.

but the world that I knew

was crazed and inflamed

and though it was joyous

those I loved came crashing down

It comes and goes in waves

That I don’t understand,To

I dive under or I fall to my knees

Though it hurts, I crave the sea

I wait for a time for just you and me. 

but fear shakes my core,

and my bones begin to shake

All feels lost, foreign, and forsaken. 

For I thought this time, was to be mine

Fretful Forgetful

Today friend, I miss you. Today.

Meant

If silence can heal,
I know it can kill.
I fell its caress.

Consider your lies
In light of what's real.
Yea-e-e, I could care less.

Forget what you know,
Just get up and go.
Save all you can.

Don't want you to see
When pain overflows
Yea-e-e, you're not my friend.

I still think that we were meant to be
Ooh-oh, lie to me now.
I still dream that you were meant for me
Yea-e-e, why would you doubt?

I don't wanna know,
No, I don't wanna hear
He-e-ey, your smart alibis

I don't wanna feel
This heartache and fear
I don't wanna wait (anymore)
I don't want to be nice

I still think that we were meant to be
(We were destined to be)
Ooh-oh, lie to me now.
I still dream that you were meant for me
(I was made for your love)
Yea-e-e, why would you doubt?

I'm not asking for sympathy
Cause I know what you need me to say
Thanks for what you have given me (Take it back)
I will always remember you watching me walking away, he-e-ey

(I remember all)
Aren't you loving watching me now?
(I remember all)

I still think that we were meant to be
(We were destined to be)
Ooh-oh, lie to me now.
I still dream that you were meant for me
(I remember all)
Yea-e-e, why would you doubt?

Consider your lies
In light of what's real.
Yea-e-e, I could care less.

Till Now

I didn’t get it

till you mentioned it.

I didn’t know,

till I followed.

Carved in the dark,

delighted in my shadow.

You covered my eyes and ran.

Left me blundering,

withering my rose.

I can’t give it up,

love after love.

Naked body covered in scars,

let me hold the remaining shards.

Give it up,

let me love what’s left.

Painted

This slow life

was ruinin’ me fast.

You paint me a picture

I gave you child

Workin’ hard

tryin’ to get right,

but relative is thought,

and relative is love.

Thought about it twice 

you thought about it once

no family, no money.

Naive I am, 

but innocent I’m not.

Pure drop of love

dropped on my eye.

The more I learn

the more I will discover.

And I’m falling,

falling away,

away with you.

Electric

Feel through me, in one cold sweep

let my soul weep in grief.

 Heartless ache, breaks dawn

my day pre-recorded; 

plays what I hate.

Sought out solutions, fueled by desolation

and now that it’s over

my feet stumble forward.

I fall at each rock, 

blood laces my steps;

an echo rings clear

I hear my self breathe.

No longer scared,

I burn with desire. 

Mindless

I can barely function,

I can hardly sleep.

I’m flooded by memories-

so hard to defeat.

hot tears haunt me

anger sunk it’s teeth in me

it’s red face of laughter 

plaguing my dreams

 blank slates

pallets of color

but all I drew

was hued in red

unburied past,

burst into flames

held in my hands

I'll let it burn

smoke rising tall

help came fast;

cold refreshing water

ran through my veins

dripping from me 

came the sadness I sung

and from the strands of my hair

came the anger I held.

Bound

I bound this,

I wrapped this,

I caused this,

I'm drained by this. 

I was there,

I am here,

I felt it,

I wept,

entranced by it.

I want this to pass,

I want this to drop,

down to the floor.

I want the wind,

to blow through the pain.

I am lost in this,

I am held in this,

I am blind by this,

I fall by this,

I am bound in this.

Boiled

I boiled my anger;

he never said sorry.

I conversed in my shadows

here, I ruined him with shame

I waited for a whim

to free what I felt

what I got?

real conversations

mind boggling realizations

My Hope

Wake me up when when I'm knee deep in roses. Then sing me back to sleep, to sleep, to sleep. This time of acclamation is harder then perceived. The feelings so strong, these songs come, these songs go. I'm seeing red, but I'm hearing blue. I smell love, but I taste death. I crave blood, but I reach for soap. I try and scrub these memories clean, but somethings, they're no longer worth the pain. My hope, my faith, my love.

Night

I put on my face

so I can rest my smile.

I put on my shoes, 

so I can slip out quiet.

It's a dangerous walk

but it's a cold rhythmic warmth.

Madness

Lost in your madness,

what still remains?

There's the door - staring me down

How will it open?

And will I struggle to survive?

I saw it in red,

I saw it in blue,

I saw it with you,

now I see it alone.

I'm dead in the dark,

the smallest light blinding.

Sway

In love with a stranger,

In love with a corpse,

In love with a friend,

I know not,

which way to bend.

The Cure

It's like the cure went out,

and the ground began to spurt,

a cold and careless water.

Like the shadow in your eyes, 

and the echo in your heart,

entwining my feelings; 

an endless start.

I want you to hold me,

so I hold myself.

I want you to touch me,

but that ain't this song.

For us to be friends,

would be three strikes on me.

Another win for you,

a hand full of shame for me.

I make you jealous,

and you know I know this.

And now in your eyes,

there's nothing left for me.

My Love

Good morning, Love.

My heart feels warm despite the weather of my circumstances. 

Home (Daughter)

Sometimes it takes you over...

What if I was alright with just where I am? Would it make it easier to not let the world's idea of normal affect my quality of life, and the authenticity of who I am?