Hunger

Everything that could happen

All the possibilities

I hate this surrealism 

Hope roaming through my body

Why can’t I just take it at face value?
Why, can't I hear the no?

All I do is keep imagining

His arms, his caress

How our skin would melt together

The rhythm of us

To make him hunger 

So as to make him feel

For he starves in vein

Loose your self control

marvel at my body

The softness of my skin

How can you say no?

Said no?

Don’t you see that this is?

Can't you see what we've done?

But you choose to be blind.
and you chose to say no.

God, it makes me want you more.

Make me feel as though

I’m not enough of your taste

That in all that I’m worth

I’m that risk that you’re not gonna take.

Beginning

There’s no sight beyond

Only that which I lust

My backwards, is forwards

My now, the only

He was the beginning

To be safe, and knowing 

With projection and sight 

But I was only growing

I sought what I seek

I’ve found what I see

Precise in pain

With no suffice to gain

You’ll make it wither

You’ll make it die

Your my only heartless fool

In that which I die

In what you don’t see

The blind that you’ve made 

The treasure that I’ve sought

Is all but to be lost

In the sea of the heart

Which to see in that sight
Is only black and only white.

Between the Bars

Drink up baby, stay up all night

With the things you could do 

You won't but you might

 The potential you'll be, that you'll never see

The promises you'll only make

 Drink up with me now

 And forget all about

 The pressure of days, do what I say

 And I'll make you okay

Drive them away 

The image is stuck in your head

People you've been before

 That you don't want around anymore

 That push and shove and won't bend to your will

I'll keep them still 

Drink up baby, look at the stars 

I'll kiss you again between the bars 

Where I'm seeing you there with your hands in the air

 Waiting to finally be caught

 Drink up one more time

 And I'll make you mine

 Keep you apart, deep in my heart

 Separate from the rest

 But I like you the best

 Keep the things you forgot

 People you'be been before

 That you don't want around anymore 

That push and shove and won't bend to your will

 I'll keep them still

-Elliot Smith

Lines

Something has changed, something permanent

I no longer feel empty, apathetic and cold

The strength of complete and utter solidarity 

Does not beckon me from depths 

Of the warmth and terror of feeling

Odd that I would manifest 

Into who I am 

Of something resented

With all the being that I was

Little as it emerged

Up from a place of fright

Insecurity, need of over protection

Myself to guard a helpless child

Of my young self

Too innocent, 
Too vulnerable

Incapable to realize
All the actions taken against

I cut, and hid in the depths of myself

A place so far away secure in

The adult unknowing of all in it that hides

Judgement of error keeping in check

Allowing no glimpse to emerge 

By the lines I drew round myself

No one could come in or reach

So little, so unaware 

I did not recognize

The extent of importance 

To the immense energy 

That these lines came drawn

Not till life tripped me over

The bucket of water left out

Now tipped and fell 

Erasing much of the lines
Making path

To see straight forward

A place I thought inanimate

So stood at the existence of my feet

I awoke

With all lines shattered

There dissolving in the water

I stood,

Overwhelmed by the insecurity

Alarmed at the promiscuity

I took arms 

To be my only advocate

Adult and child together

Standing,

With no cause but their own

Standing, 

With no song but one note

Being and existing in constant parallel 

All hell began to break free

Sail

For the past few days I've been listening to this song over and over again. I've become obsessed, at least for the moment. I find this song attractive, and obviously everyone has their own interpretation, but for me it speaks 'this is who I am, this is my love, either take it or leave it.' Sort of like a 'fuck you' but in a nice way. I love you, I'll give you my love, but this is how it comes with all it's imperfections. Not to say I wouldn't be influenced or open to change and growth, but more of I won't change my monumental core values and expressions, cause you say so. 

Lyrics:

This is how I show my love. 
I made it in my mind because 
I blame it on my ADD baby. 

This is how an angel cries 
Blame it on my own sick pride 
Blame it on my ADD baby 

Sail

Maybe I should cry for help

Maybe I should kill myself(Chorus: myself)
Blame it on my ADD baby

Maybe I'm a different breed
Maybe I'm not listening
So blame it on my ADD baby 

Sail

Bells

I woke up to alarm bells

Lost in my own bed

Lost in my own head

Control, slipped through my fingers

It was all artificial

A sea of masked memories

I woke up to alarm bells

Lost in my own bed

Lost in my own head

I ran, I ran, I ran

I swear I did!

But my feet held fast

Stuck by the concrete walls

No strength could avail

I woke up to alarm bells

Lost in my own bed

Lost in my own head

Stop the ringing

The constant ringing

That shrieks in my mind

Stop!

Let darkness prevail

I woke up to nothing

The warmth touched my skin

There the bedside table

A bell laid broken

Cracked in two

For a moment

Comfort sought me out

For a moment

No bells were ringing

But only for a moment

It came back

As if a headache

Those miserable bells!

And from where?

For whom did they ring?

A hand pulled me up

From the peace

Where I lay

I sobbed to the sound

That I could not drown

She pulled me up

Hand in hand

Quickly I was taken

Quickly we ran to shelter

Quickly she drowned the ringing

With hot summer air

In the distance it was there

But she held me with care

She surmounted the distance

To create a place of existence

A moment of rest

Eluded to these signs

Consciousness gave way

To the fright they conveyed

These bells were ringing my name

In a sea of Alarm

Rumor Has It

The things that I want. The things that I have. What I’ve paid to try to let this go. I’d fuck you over without blinking, leave your goddam life in the dust. A place of misery where you won’t be found. You made me pay over and over. When I find you, seek you out, there will be nowhere to hide. I know all your secrets because you hid me in your shadow. The things that I have. The things that I want, and the things I’m gonna get. Rumor has it, I'm out for your soul. 

Spirited Away

There it is. There you are. My day was brightened by your departure. Now you're back. I thought maybe you were gone for good. But you came back, waltzed right in as if you were comfort. As if I were dependent. You brought the damn clouds with you. I wish you would get out, turn around and walk out. But around your neck and in the palm of your hand, is something I want. Something I feel as if I need. Something that keeps you coming night and day. There you are, standing in my way. There it is wrung from your neck, and dripping from your hand. There it is. There you are. 

Lust

I fell out of heaven

To be with you in hell

My sin's not quite seven

Nothing much to tell

Lust I have and crave

A saintly boy I'm not

I'll take it to my grave

Beside it cursed I'll rot

I'll ride these roads alone

Beneath the sulphur sky

Everywhere I roamed

Life's one big lie

When the fireball goes down

Out by LA ways

I come into town

But only for a day

Starving on my knees

I pray for you to understand

The man sure is weak

But lust holds my hand

I struggled and I cried

I pounced with no avail

Least I never lied

Or did the truth derail

-The Raveonettes 

Crimson Cranes

Crimson Cranes

with crimson stains

to wash away this pain

Morning

Deep blue sky, why do you hide?

You make me cold

Down to the bone

Shiver beneath my skin

I seek and find

What I cannot hide

Stolen

Tick Tock

Of this clock

Round in circles

I get lost

Shoes were taken

My feet were bare

Breaking mirrors

Broke my stare

Were you angry?

I don't know

Dreadful drowning 

You want me out

Stolen blood

My restless sleep

Desperate seeking

Let me out

Painful burning

My bathroom seat

Tick Tock

Round in circles

I get lost.