Swallowing My Fear

Sounds of unspoken signs,
mark me with what I've done.

In this dark intangible room,

a sunny dew begins to rise,

it pierces through my dark; 

 ambiguous calm remains.

Here, I sit and stare;

my bits of life

splayed on the wall.

Now in the dark I'm screaming,

but no one's there to hear,
 the pain begins to sear,
and the blood begins to trickle,
and I fade into the sounds,
that no one else can hear.

Red Room

I found myself spinning

In a room painted red

Only big enough for one

Nor door or window

One day I found myself here

Lost in a sea of red

Bewildered by reality

I continue to spin

Spin into abyss

Unable to hear or see those ‘round

Blatant dismissal to quantification

Indifferent to life

This room

Where I spin round and round 

Drowned in submission

Ashamed of my own name

I saw no pain, only gain

Incomplete

This body is incomplete.

It is tainted,

and I cannot hold the blood that drips.

I need room to sway.

There is drink,

but the thirst cannot be quenched.

So it repeats,

into me,

tearing apart the fragments 

that were to be.

The drums continue to beat.

There is nothing subtle,

There is nothing sweet. 

Yet, you fall at its feet.

Desiring it, craving it.

You’re a slave to power;

 you carved it in your name,

and wrote it on my fate. 

And I was desperately seeking;

My heart stopped caring

The blood, violently flowed to my mind,

erasing the stains you left behind.

I ran in circles,

seeking the black mess.

Drowning in the process.

I caught the tail; gave up the fight.

Breathed in the water, forgot the sight.

This body, it is tainted and incomplete.

This body, it does not exist. 

October 24

spilt on the floor

no longer to drink

no meaning to be

focus, and see

straighten the bent

and crawl to the sea,

crazed and inflamed

the aching and screaming 

will no longer be.

But there will be empty

there will be shame

embedded in dirt,

these predisposed flowers,

the desolate,

will only remain.

focus, and see

in the moment,

in the moment,

you will remember to be